Congratulations. This is my page.

I'm Ashtoreth Hostility, but you can call me Ashy. I was born on November 22nd at 12:29PM, and I'm told that I was conceived on Valentine's Day.

I'm turning into something called Prickvixen. I hope you'll all come and watch. I also write and draw and try to make sense of things.

I am going to share myself on this page because I want you to know what I am, and I know very soon you will want to hear the things I have to say.

If you've never read my journal, starting from the beginning works best.

Links to previous entries in this journal may be found below.

If you wish to talk to me, you may email me at . I will try to reply in a timely manner but do not guarantee to answer all your questions... I reserve the right to be evasive.

Entry 9-27-06

You would think, given that I went to the University of Florida, with its emphasis on sports, that I'd have gone to a lot of football games. You might take into account that I had several friends who played football in high school, I was a degree of separation away from Emmitt Smith, etc. But I only ever went to a single game. Jimmy and I went to McDonald's, in another attempt to consume our weight in cheeseburgers, and a radio station promo guy was out front, giving stuff away. You had to answer questions, but answering correctly did not seem a priority. I answered and won the Faith No More album; Jimmy answered and got the football tickets I passed up because I didn't go to football games. It was homecoming, and Florida was playing Furman.

Consequent to having almost never gone to a football game, I've learned two basic facts about them.

One: it is vitally important that one drink heavily beforehand, to the point where one is insensate. Then you walk to the game. This is something I learned by observing my friend Tim and his friends ('redneck buddies') from back home, as they spent all morning on game days drinking. If you wait til you get to the stadium before you begin, you might not catch a buzz until half-time, and by the time the half-time show is over, you might even be coming down from it. This will not do. Also, the beer in the stadium is something like $3.50 a cup, compared to the same amount for a case of Old Milwaukee from Albertson's, and there's a real possibility you'll have to leave your seat to obtain any in a timely fashion, with all the difficulties this entails. If you're a student or alumnus, there's a remote chance that you'll get a discount, but not likely. This is where the concessions stand makes its money, from alumni who drove up and were unable to drink along the way. I suspect RV sales are largely driven by the need to circumvent open-container laws.

What the necessity for deep inebriation says about football games, given other events and conditions under which drunkenness is highly advised, I will not go into.

Two: you will do a lot of standing and sitting. I don't mean at moments when you wish to show support for your team; this will be involuntary. Someone in or near the front row will stand, maybe to see something further down the field, despite the stadium being an enormous open bowl with the field at its focus. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter, for they shall do it. Then the people behind this person will be forced to stand in order to see anything, then the people behind them will be forced to stand, and so on, until you are standing, despite your wanting to sit still because you're in an enormous concrete and metal bowl open to the sun in Florida.

Jimmy and I were not drunk. We did do a lot of standing and sitting, which I did not have to pay for.

Previous entries
9-23-06Life among the monsters.
6-3-06Next time you feel like saying I have no reason to hate myself...
5-14-06Invisibility is of variable advantage.
3-29-06I've determined that my dream world has a consistent topography between dreams.
2-20-06Only a nightmare?
2-2-06The all-darkness edition.
12-28-05Brillo pads.
12-3-05If it's a Christian nation, why do they try so hard?
10-12-05Étude of the phone-watcher.
10-9-05Surprise, I do write lyrics occasionally.
10-5-05The future is always anticlimactic.
10-2-05How to succeed on the intarweb.
9-21-05An unsent letter to my mother.
9-16-05The little ways we care about each other.
9-3-05Lavender's Hitchcock cameo.
8-17-05my ruinous mornings
8-5-05go ahead and love this
7-29-05a fairy tale
7-23-05miscellaneous note-taking
7-19-05i know what works for everyone except myself
7-15-05obligatory shakespeare reference.
6-29-05Happy thoughts.
6-24-05Burn all bridges.
6-20-05Starting over.
6-15-05this diary is an explanation; it is also an ongoing history.
1-9-05Wankery, witchering
12-11-04The vaginal son.
5-29-04God's emissaries are always placed in opposition to the 'true believers.' God does that because he's a perverse bastard.
5-8-04Yeah, something like that...
3-23-04Is Ashy kidding?
2-5-04He is our dirty little secret.
1-31-04I am your dirty little secret.
12-17-03Welcome to Earth.
12-10-03Blah blah blah.
12-5-03They say 99% of the population believes in some sort of deity.
11-30-03The doors are closed and cannot be opened.
11-26-03Yummy food.
11-14-03Start your seasonal depression early this year.
10-10-03It sounds like a special attack move.
9-11-03Fun things to do in Los Angeles.
9-8-03They let me out on weekends.
8-27-03This is not science fiction.
8-23-03Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia.
8-18-03I've never been able to look as insane as I am... the best I can manage is a look of irritated concentration.
8-12-03It's much easier for me to believe in Hell than in Heaven.
8-7-03Fun with mind-control.
8-2-03in vino veritas, so imagine what booze can do for you...
7-28-03"like words burnt in ice"
7-23-03If the shoe fits, steal it!
7-18-03I hope this isn't too... political.
7-13-03who would think that this frail, pale monster could come to so much?
7-8-03"They're shaping me into something gaudy and lethal... it's all getting out of my hands..."
6-20-03It's imagining my readers' reactions that really makes these entries worth writing.
5-15-03Caveat, new squat, three-X obscene/think I'll send in a recon team
5-12-03Melissa was the person who made me start using the word 'cunt.'
4-28-03Oh rose, thou art sick.
4-21-03"That's not a flirty wink, that's an 'I'm very insane' wink."
4-10-03I was walking.
4-7-03Another Ashtoreth fashion disaster.
3-30-03Weird vibrations on this early Glendale morning....
2-20-03Staring at candle flames.
2-7-03the subject of this entry was once eager to appear in my journal. Surely she understood what it takes to be mentioned here...
1-23-03an open letter to the White House.
1-18-03'you get eaten alive by the perfect lover'
11-28-02...and a doughnut with no hole is a danish.
11-25-02The manager says there's no way you could get away with this, so hey, it probably never happened....
11-22-02Awww, boo hoo for me, how sad.
11-12-02Piss, thievery and betrayal.
11-9-02You know how sometimes you want something but you also don't want it?
11-4-02Where they all go.
10-30-02Transmission from the center of the world....
10-27-02Stars aren't real.
10-24-02Yes, I know.
10-10-02In which I am hastened towards becoming a creature without history...
10-7-02A diversion.
10-3-02Ashy's bile and vitriol is endless.
9-21-02People get the idea that they're two inches from superstardom, when they're two inches from a desperate booking agent.
8-29-02I wanna know what's inside....
8-14-02And often I feel I am fundamentally unlikeable.
7-28-02Ashy steals from Burroughs and Gysin. I think the appeal of the cut-up is that it thrusts raw, unfamiliar data at a sensory-deprived mind.
7-24-02Highs and lows.
7-5-02My wisdom and my stupidity aren't easy to distinguish.
7-1-026PM: ALL MUSIC NOW; host Butch Loren, guests Lavender Muse, Attila
6-28-02No such thing as an ass.
5-25-02Sucking dick, wearing dresses, eating pizza. Sweet dreams are made of these.
5-15-02Prophecy always seems to come in hindsight.
5-4-02They say that dreams are the window to the soul.
5-1-02It all ends up in the same place.
4-28-02Deviant behavior.
4-11-02What were the gods doing before they became gods?
4-3-02Despite what I say about people, I have absolute faith in mankind.
3-26-02I like to watch people.
3-21-02I am not a good person.
3-18-02The dark times.
3-14-02Everything I wish to devour has other ideas....
3-9-02The varnish comes off.
3-5-02I've noticed that when life is uncertain I look for new drugs to try....
3-1-02This is hopefully as fluffy as Lavender's story will ever become.
2-26-02Is this a bad time?
2-19-02'i wonder if i've said everything i can say yet'
2-16-02I'll show you why.
2-13-02Driven to crime by a broken heart... weep for Ashy's tragic tale!
2-8-02...and I guess I wasn't your favorite anyway.
2-3-02Sometimes it seems like the only ones who think I'm a good person don't have a voice to say so.
1-24-02"...when you cut into the present the future leaks out."
1-19-02I wish I'd used heavy drugs when I was doing art in high school...
1-14-02And now some more sex.
1-9-02My home away from home....
1-3-02A bit topical, but then warfare is always in fashion...
12-30-01"We're getting some interference from the structure."
12-25-01For the holidays, some humorous moments from your spoiled, ungrateful narrator.
12-15-01..don't thank me until you know fully what sort of creature desires you..
12-10-01Ashy's final showdown with the level boss....
12-9-01It's not all you want to eat, it's all you can eat....'s been such a long time since I knew right from wrong....
11-25-01Another tale of flaming passion by the world's greatest lover....
11-22-01When scientists were getting ready to test the first atomic bomb, they weren't entirely sure it wouldn't consume the entire planet in a massive chain reaction. But they went ahead and tested it anyway.
11-16-01Looking back on this, I can see what Ted Bundy was getting at...
11-13-01The saviour waits only to become another tyrant.
11-8-01It's very easy to see the faults of others but not our own.
10-19-01In which I display cruelty at an early age.
10-11-01'the pale fox always tells us the truth' --a Dogon shaman
10-4-01Temper, temper....
9-27-01Yes, Ashy remembers every little slight from her childhood and will never let them go.
9-14-01"You start to admire the flagrant disregard for the sanctity of other people's lives"
9-11-01Sometimes I wake up after very vivid dreams, and sometimes, in those moments when I still seem to inhabit them, I write them down.
9-3-01Dismantle thyself.
8-27-01When your Daddy allows a sadistic monster to beat you, to torture you, to make you suffer, and he claims he's doing this because he loves you, what that means is that Daddy is a psycho.
8-08-01Ways in which the blind follow.
7-30-01Strange places which Ashy has visited without the assistance of psychoactive drugs.
7-24-01Some worthless thoughts.
7-19-01In which Ashy scares away any potential sponsors for her band.
7-5-01It begins.
6-26-01Inhalants and the supernatural on the #22 bus.
6-25-01In which we learn about the origins of Ashy's first band.
6-14-01Falling through the muck at the bottom of a deep, forgotten well, sinking through the mire, only to emerge into a larger hole.
6-4-01In which your humble narrator learns never to say Bad Words.
5-30-01Not an official piece of Lavender's history, more of a mental exercise for myself.
5-25-01Sometimes I have visions, sometimes I have compulsions....
5-21-01Ashy doesn't dislike Christians. Ashy dislikes Loony Christians. Those who do not use their brains deserve to have them eaten by those who do.
5-14-01the Green Fairy is out of the camera's eye but they're not finished with her yet...
5-8-01I start you with a very grim episode from my past. I assure you, my pets, if you withstand this and return for more I will almost never ask you to endure anything worse. Let's call this an exercise to eliminate the weak. Read on.

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