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Entry 11-9-02
You know how sometimes you want something but you also don't want it?

The curve of heaven has a distinct, solid ceiling.

Lavender descends from this. She plays a role. Today she is dressed as an angel. Her shots are manipulated with increased contrast and colorizing so that she appears luminous. Her catsuit is silver and form-fitting but not tasteless. Where it ends and her skin begins is not clear. Her arms are folded in prayer and from her back spread wings of spun aluminum, a Gigeresque meshing of pinion and airfoil with missile mounts beneath. One can barely see the strings as the luminous being is lowered to the stage.

The scene is written as a parable, unsurprisingly.

On the stage itself are perhaps a dozen men in all manner of garb, no two dressed alike, wielding wooden swords and mock firearms. They shout and scuffle. In their tumult they convincingly portray armies at war. The stage is cunningly dressed to convey scope, a panorama.

The fighting men cease their battle, startled and frightened by the vision in their midst. Some drop to their hands and knees while others flee upstage and downstage. Lavender, for her part, is appalled and saddened by what she sees. She holds out her arms.

"you are brothers! Why do you fight?"

Two men kneeling before her lift their heads. One points to the other.

"they profane our holy places with their presence, for they do not keep the custom of our ancestors, and they have killed our brothers and our fathers, our women and children."

The second man, in turn, accuses the first.

"they spread their simple-minded cult and poison the thoughts of our children, they have despoiled the land and brought sickness and death to our families."

The apparition looks from one to the other, dismayed but her expression warm with understanding, and heralding news of some importance. Her voice is that of a child whose parents do not realize they are mistaken.

"But if you do not learn to love each other you will pass from the earth."

Those who have fled again draw near, but not too near. The first man to speak raises his voice in answer.

"we cannot, our differences are irreconcilable, and where they are forgotten our hatred for each other remains."

Then speaks the other.

"But if it is not within us, who shall stop us passing from the earth?"

There is quiet. Her expression falls blank, as she looks in upon herself.

"...not I."

Lavender lowers her head; the stage lights dim. Close curtain.

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