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Entry 12-9-01
It's not all you want to eat, it's all you can eat....

I went to Ryan's tonight to have dinner. I don't know why I did that. Maybe it's a craving for unlimited sugary desserts. It seemed like all the busboys were black. This is like being in the South again; all the black people are working as fucking servants. What's wrong with this country?

It might be white guilt, but it keeps growing closer to irritation. I wanted to ask the guy waiting on me why he was doing this job, but I already know why. I feel bad for making work for him. Being waited on is hard enough for me; having a brother clearing away my dirty plates just feels wrong.

I can see recent immigrants getting shunted into service jobs. They don't know anybody here and haven't established themselves, probably don't speak English, and probably left home because they didn't have any skills, and if it was a choice between doing nothing there and doing nothing here for a relative fortune... they've got to start someplace. But black people have been on this continent for 300 years; they have officially been free for half that time. The idea that racism has been eliminated is a lot of shit. Show me how it's been eliminated.

Some little girl had a birthday there; the busboys sang. They clean up leavings and then perform for the customers.

I also got to listen to flabby Norman-descended white people bitch about hotels in Brazil. Sorry, they're a military dictatorship where herds of starving street children get executed by the police because they're unsightly... administrative mistakes are bound to happen. Sorry you had to walk half a mile in platform heels... that really sucks for you.

They kept snapping pictures of each other; it seems like Ryan's is some kind of hot spot in town. The whites bloating themselves on cheap, fatty food are just the next caste up. An $8.99 buffet is a big evening out for them. I became paranoid that they were taking pictures of me, because of the freakish quantity of fried chicken I was packing my skinny ass with. I don't think I'll eat at Ryan's again for a while. Just about everybody there is enormous or becoming so, and I'm going to heed the warning.

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